features >> My Dad Left to Serve Our Country

On January 2, 2003, Justin Keith, then eleven years old, moved in with his father, stepmother, and older brother. Less than three weeks later, his dad, Master Sergeant Michael Keith of the 116^th Air Control Wing, left for 109 days in the Middle East.

Although Justin had been told that his father was deploying, he hadn’t grasped the full meaning until Michael left. Then Justin fell apart.

“His teacher called me from school because Justin was crying and couldn’t stop,”  recalled Justin’s stepmother, Patricia. Besides crying excessively, Justin started fighting with his brother, Brandon, and throwing temper tantrums.

Justin’s reaction was extreme but not that unusual, especially for a child already undergoing major life changes.

“Children with special needs or underlying emotional issues are more likely to have greater difficulties adjusting to a deployment of a parent,” writes Colonel Elisabeth M. Stafford and Major Beth Grady in a recent article in the journal of Pediatric Annuals.

Experts describe five stages each family member must go through to cope with a deployment.

Your children will express their anxieties based on their developmental stage. In the Pre-deployment stage, pre-school children might become overly clingy because they are afraid of being abandoned. School-age children and teen-agers may act like they don’t care, but the experts say that they’re trying to shield themselves from the pain of loss.

The Deployment phase is where most extreme behaviors will surface in children. Babies and toddlers younger than three-years-old, will take their cues from their primary caregiver. If you are calm, your toddler will be too. If, however, you aren’t coping well, however,  you might notice your toddler throwing more tantrums, being extra fussy and not sleeping well.

Your pre-schoolers (three – to six-years-old) are likely to regress to more infantile behaviors like thumb-sucking, whining, and potty-training problems. Captain Jennifer Berg, who writes about children’s fears of deployment, advises parents to provide security and stability by maintaining their normal routine and to refrain from criticizing their children.

School-age children between six- and twelve-years-old are the most sensitive to having the military parent miss important events such as birthdays. They may complain of headaches and stomachaches. They may lose interest in school and be moody. Give your school-age child plenty of opportunity to talk about her feelings and answer her questions without overreacting Berg recommends.

Although teenagers will resist efforts to talk and will insist that they’re fine, they can experience some of the same worries and anxieties as adults. Besides depression, adolescents are susceptible to a drop in academic performance, alcohol and drug abuse and promiscuity.  Experts suggest that you encourage your teenager to stay active in school activities, and give them extra responsibilities at home to help them feel important and needed.

The next stage is the sustainment period- A time of relative calm as the family adjusts to the absence of the deployed parent. Your child should be returning to normal behavior patterns by this time. If, however, your child is still exhibiting signs of depression, extreme anger, or irrational fears, you might need to consult a health professional.

Justin benefited from counseling. He was able to open up to his counselor and honestly express his feelings. In addition to counseling, Justin was comforted by wearing one of Michael’s jackets. Patricia said, “The one good thing to come out of all this was we’re a much closer family now. We learned a lot about each other while Michael was gone.”

Deployment is a difficult challenge for all members of the family, but it does have positive aspects. Children, who weather a parent’s deployment, learn new coping skills and how to make more contributions to the family, which gives them feelings of competence. It isn’t easy for a child when a parent goes to war, but it can be a valuable experience.

Table 1

Five Stages of the Emotional Cycle of Deployment

1.      Pre-deployment – Starting from notification of impending deployment until departure

2.      Deployment – The 1^st month after departure

3.      Sustainment – Months 2-5

4.      Re-deployment – The last month of deployment

5.      Post-deployment – 3-6 months after deployment

SIDE BAR 2

Developmental Stages and Children’s Symptoms of Stress

Toddlers (1-3 years): Tearful, temper tantrums, sleep disturbances

Preschoolers (3-6 years): Fear of new people or situations, unexplained crying, regression to infantile behaviors, sleeping or eating changes

School age (6-12 years): Complaining of physical ailments, aggression, irritable, problems at school.

Teenagers (13-18): Rebellious, lower academic achievement, drug or alcohol use, depression

SIDE BAR 3

Helpful Web Sites

Navy Family Support:
www.lifelines.navy.mil  go to Deployment >children & deployment

Air Force Family Separation & Readiness: 
www.afcrossroads.com/famseparation/pre_sec2_comm.cfm

Healthy Parenting Initiative:
www.mfrc-dodgol.org/healthyparenting/deployment.cfm

Emotional Cycle of Deployment:
www.hooah4health.com/environment/deployment/emotionalcycle.htm.

References

Pincus, S. H., R. House, J. Christenson, L. E. Adler. 2001. Emotional Cycle of Deployment: A Military Family Perspective. Journal of the Army Medical Department.

www.hooah4health.com/environment/deployment/emotionalcycle.htm 

Berg, Jennifer. 2003. “When a Parent Goes to War: Helping Your Children Cope With Their Fears” www.mfri.purdue.edu/pages/news/parent_goes_to_war.htm

Stafford, Elisabeth M., and Grady, Beth A. 2003. Military Family Support. Pediatric Annuals 32:2, 110-115